Samenvatting

This article reflects on the various aspects of paedophile relationships. It is for a large part based on the author’s 30 years of clinical experience with the treatment of paedosexual men. The characteristics of paedophile relatonships are examined and how they usually develop. What does the paedophile seeks in a relationship with a child and vice versa? The prohibition of paedophilia and its consequences for the paedophile are also discussed. Paedosexuality is banned because of the supposed damage for the child involved. But what causes this damage? And what is the possible damage caused by the prohibition? Finally the author shows the interacting of elements like desire and love as well as manipulation and secrets. The friendship with an older man can be very valuable for a child, which is reflected in many books and movies on this topic. In this sense a paedophile relatonship can be appropriate. But this applies only if the adult has enough self control to refrain from giving in to sexual desires, since a paedosexual relationship can never be appropriate.